I had a recent thought........ Perhaps the main reason that I felt I'd lost my identity when I became a trailing spouse and stay at home mum was because I didn’t really know my identity in the first place?
The Oxford dictionary defines identity as ‘the fact of being who or what a person or thing is’. Simple, eh?! However, when it comes to human identity, simply 'being who we are' is actually not that easy. Upbringing and social factors come into play but for many of us we've not had the time, opportunity or inclination to really understand ourselves and what we want. We're often defined by what we do rather than who we are. As a consequence, when we rip away our careers, we’re left with an identity gap.
In working with clients who are struggling with a loss of identity through relocation or career break, one of the first and most critical pieces of work we do is helping them see and understand themselves better – to re-establish or even establish their identity. From this place of understanding, suitable goals, boundaries and choices can then be made.
Some questions that can help clients better see themselves when delving into identity:
What is important to me? What are my values, beliefs and priorities?
What do I enjoy doing? What have I done in the past that brought me joy?
What do I feel passionate about?
What do I like to watch, listen, read or learn about?
What are my strengths? When and how do I use them to their best?
What am I most proud of? Why?
What don’t I like? What would I prefer to avoid or say no to?
What do I find difficult? Why is this difficult for me?
What beliefs or stories can sometimes get in my way?
What do I do that makes me feel mentally and physically well?
Who do I like being with? What is it about those people that I like/energises me?
In coaching we unpack these areas more deeply and often use tools to support our exploration. I'd love to hear your thoughts on this and any success stories you have had in regaining your identity.
If you'd like to learn more about how coaching could support you, please click here to book a free discovery session:
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